


To Thyself Be True

by orphan_account



Category: Percy Jackson and the Olympians - Rick Riordan, The Heroes of Olympus - Rick Riordan
Genre: AU, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-06-18
Updated: 2014-06-18
Packaged: 2018-02-05 06:05:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 7,275
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1808116
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After Percy has a dream in Tartarus depicting Nico's death, he attempts to stop it... but he's too late.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Dream

**Author's Note:**

> AU; the story's the same until right before the Doors of Death showdown in House of Hades, then it branches off.

"Percy…" Annabeth sighed in frustration at Percy's protests. "You're not a machine. You need to-"

"I need to make sure you're safe. I can't do that while I'm asleep." Annabeth crossed her arms and rolled her gray eyes. "I'm a big girl Percy. I can take care of myself. Besides, you're not much use if you can't see straight. You haven't slept since Dameon's hut. Go. To. Sleep."

 

Percy wanted to argue, but he could see in Annabeth's eyes that it was futile. Besides, she did have a point. Unwillingly, Percy sat down where he was standing, Annabeth smiling in victory a few feet in front of him. "Only for a few hours. Then wake me up."

"Fine."

"And wake me up if there's any kind of attack or change or-"

"Go to sleep, Seaweed Brain."

"All right, all right, don't get wise, Wise Girl." Percy laid down and closed his eyes. He wanted to try and stay up in case of anything, but his body had other ideas. The moment he let his eyes shut, he was out like a light.

At least the gods could've given him a break. But of course, here in Tartarus the dreams had to get more disturbing and frequent, not less. But the worst part was how cryptic it was, like someone was blocking the signal, playing with the antenna his mom swore TVs used to have. Percy could only see disembodied images that made barely any sense. 

The first looked like something out of a "and they all lived happily ever after" kind of story. The seven, the satyr from Camp Half-Blood- Coach Hedge?-, and- was that Reyna?- all sitting in a circle with a spot open for someone. The sun was bright and they were all eating and talking and happy, with the Athena Parathions looming on the side. 

Then after a moment it changed. The deck of the Argo II was covered from head-to-toe (or more like deck-to-port) with sea water, the black waves churning but no longer high enough to add to the deck.

Then a sword, grayish-black in the light, falling into a clear, blue sea. Percy couldn't see any blood on the blade, but there must have been because the moment it hit the water the ocean stained red. Not a part of it. The entire freaking ocean got a red tinge.

Finally, Percy saw himself, the exact same age he was now, looking at something with a dead look in his eyes. He was on his knees, red water bunching around his jeans and staining the whole deck red. Percy, the dream Percy, not the one in the image, forced himself to follow his own gaze. Had it been real life, Percy would have gasped or recoiled, but all he could do was stare.

Both Percys were looking at Nico di Angelo, the blood coming from a gash in his neck staining the entire image red.

Percy woke up to Annabeth shaking him. "Percy? Percy! Percy wake up!"

"What? What is it?" Percy stood up as fast as he could, and looked around for giants or titans or monsters. There was nothing but the pit and the blood-red sky. Percy shuttered. Blood-red. A word he'd now remove from his vocabulary. 

Annabeth looked at him with a worried glance. "You- you were screaming. I didn't know if something was wrong or-"

Percy shook his head. "Just a nightmare. It's okay." Well, no it wasn't okay but he didn't want Annabeth to worry any more than she already was. Annabeth looked at him like she was expecting him to go on, but Percy shook his head at her. "I don't really want to talk about it. Let's keep moving, we still need to find Bob and if I was yelling we might've led the Titans straight to us." Annabeth nodded and the two walked in silence. 

Percy didn't know why he didn't want to talk about his dream. He'd shared worse stuff with Annabeth before, but this was different. For all he knew, each image was a part of a different story, a different death, maybe even one of the Annabeth's own. No, Percy thought defiantly. No one's gonna die. The problem was, he realized, that talking about those images would make the seem real; like, written in stone or something. Maybe if he just forgot about them, kept them to himself, nothing would happen. No red sea. No black sword. No dead Nico.

Annabeth kept on looking at him, like she'd be able to read his mind if only he'd meet her gaze. The feel of her eyes beating down on him reminded him of her mother's scorching look from three years ago, when Athena had found him during a celebration on Olympus. "Your fatal flaw is personal loyalty, Percy. To save a friend, you would sacrifice the world," she'd said. Even with his very, very weird relationship with Nico, Percy had known the guy for years. He'd fought alongside him in the Battle of Manhattan, Nico had even saved the day by getting his dad to fight and change the tide of the war. He'd entered Tartarus by choice, alone, and got out alive and sane. He didn't deserve to die before he'd even had a chance to live. 

Percy pushed it all from his mind, and turned to Annabeth. "Let's find Bob and get out here. I don't want to be a corpse for a lot longer." He gave Annabeth what he hoped would be a reassuring smile, not a grimace, and let her take the lead.


	2. A Big Suprise

After a year and half, well more like a day and a half but it felt like a year, Percy was on the deck of the Argo II. He leaned over the rail, taking deep breaths of air that wasn't acid, looking at a sky that was cloudless and not red, the water spraying his face was clean and not fire. He'd almost forgotten what the real world looked like, began to think the entire world was Tartarus. 

Percy felt a pair of hands wrapping around his neck, he knew it was Annabeth trying to comfort him. She smiled, gods she was beautiful when she wasn't covered in death mist. "We're all going down to eat lunch, do you want to come?" Percy shook his head. 

"Not right now, Annabeth, I'll be down soon, I just need a minute." Annabeth didn't push him, she just reached up her hand and stroked his cheek, before turning his head and kissing his lips. She smiled, her blond hair reflecting the sunlight and giving her a golden glow. Percy couldn't help staring. Then, without a word, she turned and walked away.

As soon as he was alone, his knees buckled and he hit the floor with a dull thud. Percy closed his eyes, the moment he did images of Tartarus burned behind his eyelids. Think of something else, he thought desperately, and and the images of his most recent dream returned to him. I just can't win, he thought bitterly. He'd forced the dream out of his mind during the whole death-mist doors-of-death showdown thing, then again while Hazel was defending him and Annabeth on the other side. He still had no idea what any of it meant, he'd always thought his dreams couldn't be more cryptic than the Oracle, but obviously he'd been wrong. At least when Rachel Dare gave a prophecy, there were words and sentences. Heroes (like Percy) would almost always guess wrong at what they meant, but with Percy's dream he couldn't even make a guess. All he had to go on was that somehow a gathering and a sword falling into water and a flooded deck would result in Nico's death, which was caused by Olympus-knows-what. 

Well, better keep my eyes open for sea monsters with gray swords who like to attend small gatherings, Percy thought bitterly, and almost laughed. He wandered into the dining hall/lounge on the ship, now empty because everyone else was off the ship, and took one of the magic glasses from Camp Half-Blood's dining hall that Leo had brought with him. Blue cherry coke, he thought and the glass filled with the blue drink. Percy closed his eyes as he took a sip, he didn't want to see the footage of camp that the walls showed. It just made him homesick. He drained the glass in less than a minute, and let it refill itself. He remembered the last time he'd had this particular drink, back at Camp Jupiter while he'd still had no memory. What had he told Hazel? "This makes me happy, I don't know why, but it does."

Percy collapsed in the nearest chair with the soda glued to his hand. The blue food and drink- what he'd always loved about his mother. It reminded him of his dad, Poseidon, god of the sea. His mom always joked with him about blue food, Percy remembered when Smelly Gabe still lived with him and his mom and that rebellious streak had proved she wasn't completely brainwashed. That was nice, before he knew he was a demigod and his biggest worries were grades, girls, and Gabe. The three G's, he thought and wanted to laugh again.

Quit the nostalgia, Jackson, Percy thought. Not good for you. Percy had been absent mindedly drinking more coke, and his second cup almost empty. With a shrug, he kept the drink in his hand while he got up, and brought it with him down to the others. Annabeth immediately scooted over to make room for him in the circle everyone had made, and gave him a chocolate covered strawberry to eat. Percy smiled at Reyna, who gave him a nod, and went back to what she had been discussing with the others. 

"The thing is, there will be many monster attacks. I would feel better taking a third person. That's the optimal number for a quest." Percy had no idea what they were talking about, but decided against asking. Annabeth or Jason would fill him in soon, and Renya was downright scary when you interrupted something she'd deemed important. Like herself talking.

"Coach Hedge," Frank blurted.

Leo looked at Frank like he'd sprouted a third head. "Dude, are you mental? Oh, no offense, Coach."

The coach looked very much offended, but no one took real notice to it. "The coach is the best choice," Frank said. "The only choice. He's a good fighter. He's a certified protector. He'll get the job done."

"A faun," Reyna said.

"Satyr!" barked the coach, now really, really offended. "And, yea, I'll go. Besides, when you get to Camp Half-Blood, you'll need somebody with connections and diplomatic skills to keep the Greeks from attacking you. Just let me go make a call- er, I mean get my baseball bat."

The coach got up, which made Percy realize something. "Hey- where's Nico?"

Hazel gave him a weird look. "He went to prepare for the quest- why?" Suddenly Percy saw it. The seven, Reyna, and Coach Hedge sitting in a circle. A spot open for someone, Nico. The Athena Parthanos looming in the background. This was first image of his dream.

The blue cherry coke glass fell out of Percy's hand and spilled on the grass. Percy got up as fast as he could and ran to the ship. "Hey- wait! Percy what's-" Hazel called after him, but Percy ignored her. He ran to Nico's door, and opened it. The room was empty, barely looked like anyone had lived in it at all. Percy saw a sheet of paper lying on Nico's bed, the entire page written on, the words in Nico's handwriting. Percy grabbed it and tried to read, but the letters kept on swimming around on the page, teasing him like they always did when Percy was frustrated. It would take way too long for Percy to read the entire thing, so he read far enough to get the gist of it. He stuffed the note in his pocket, and ran to the deck of the ship, searching for Nico. 

Finally, he saw the son of Hades on his favorite part of the ship, staring at the blue sea like he was keeping watch. "Nico!" Percy yelled at the top of his lungs, breathing heavily from all the running. 

Nico turned, his dark eyes unreadable, as usual. "Go away, Jackson. You may have a saving-people-thing, but I don't want to be saved." The note, the suicide note, felt heavy in his pocket; Percy saw Nico's sword in his hand, reflecting the sunlight. Percy made a sound somewhere between a scream and a grunt, and felt a familiar tugging sensation in his gut. He churned the blue waters of the ocean, turning them gray and stormy, and threw a tidal wave over the side of the deck, trying to knock the weapon out of Nico's hands. Me, a small voice in Percy's head said. The second image in my dream was me.

After the water cleared, Percy ran up to where Nico was standing. He was drenched with sea water, dazed, but not out of it. Percy reached Nico just in time to see the last bit of the blade leave his neck. Nico had slit his own throat. "No!" Percy yelled, and ran even faster to Nico's side. Nico himself had collapsed, his sword hand dangling over the side of the Argo II. His grip on the it slackened, and the grayish black sword fell into the ocean, Nico's blood making the water red. 

Percy dropped onto his knees beside Nico, who was smiling triumphantly. "You're a savior Percy, you know that?" Nico said weakly, then he closed his eyes, his final smile still on his face. Percy grabbed the back of Nico's head, and forced it up, stopping the flow of blood that was staining the deck. He put his own forehead on Nico's, and let a few tears escape. "Not enough, Nico. Not enough."


	3. Nico's Story

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter runs parallel with Chapter 2. It's Nico's side of the events.

Nico had been avoiding Percy ever since the doors of death. It wasn't that he hated Percy, and he'd gotten over his crush on him a while ago, but he felt like if he talked to the guy Jason would show up as his personal cheerleader or life coach or something, and that was the last thing Nico needed. He'd spent most of his time with Hazel, figuring that she'd be the most torn up when he was gone. Besides what she'd done back at the House of Hades was seriously cool. She had a lot of talent, even for the chosen one of Hecte. He could tell that Hazel was getting a lot of attention, and she was kind of uncomfortable with it, but as her brother Nico thought she wouldn't care about him. 

He didn't know who was the first to suggest off-the-ship lunch, but the idea spread like wildfire and soon Piper and Leo were setting up a picnic a few yards from where the Athena Parthanos stood. Hazel, alone because Frank was talking to Coach Hedge, squeezed his hand and glanced off the ship. "Come on Nico, come with us."

Nico shook his head. "You know I don't like crowds, and Reyna hates me."

Hazel laughed, her voice ringing in the sea air like a chime. "She doesn't hate you, you're just… like a mystery to her, that's all. Besides, it's not a crowd, it's our friends."

"Your friends," Nico corrected her, although he knew that wasn't completely true. They had saved him from the bronze jar two weeks ago, and he'd known all of them, except for Leo and Piper, for a while. Even if Jason was completely annoying, he had still wanted to hang out with him after knowing Nico's secret, something that Nico knew a lot of the others wouldn't do. "Fine," Nico said after a pause, "I'll go, just for a bit." Last meal, Nico thought.

 

Percy wasn't anywhere to be seen when Nico and Hazel got to the hillside. Annabeth was there, sitting in between Piper and Reyna. Coach Hedge had decided to show up too, chewing on a Styrofoam cup Nico assumed he'd had on him. Nico grabbed a pomegranate, seemed fitting, and ate half-heartedly and listened to the conversation. Percy still didn't show up. The conversation turned to getting the Athena Parthanos off the ship.

"I could take the statue through the labyrinth," Hazel offered.

"No," Annabeth said almost immediately, "You could get lost, or not find your way back. Too much can go wrong down there, I know that from experience."

"I could go," Frank offered, not sounding very happy about it. "If I'm a praetor, I should go. Maybe we could rig some sort of sled, or-"

"No, Frank Zhang," Reyna said wearily. The were running out of options, Nico could see that. "You are all a part of the seven, and until the prophecy meets its end you all belong here."

"I'm not a part of the seven," Nico said. He felt guilty, he wouldn't even be alive for the sunset, much less a quest, but he needed an excuse to get back on the ship. They'd figure something out, Nico had faith in that. "I can shadow-travel and get it back to New York."

"Nico, are you sure that's a good idea?" Jason picked the worst time to talk, as usual. "No one's questioning you or your power, but that statue's huge and-"

"I can do it," Nico growled, cutting Jason off.

"Very well," Reyna said. Nico got up, mumbled something about preparing for the quest, and got onboard the ship, ignoring Jason's gaze on his back. The moment he was out of eyeshot from the others, Nico ran as fast as he could into his room and closed the door as quickly as he could without it making a sound. He grabbed a pen and piece of paper from a shelf on the wall and began to write.

Hazel- You were a great sister to me, and even though I didn't always show it, I care about you just as much as I did Bianca.

Percy, Annabeth, and Thalia- You guys helped me before I knew who I was. Thanks, and I'm glad we got to be friends for as long as we did. You three saved my life a million times.

Jason- I know you were trying to help, but I couldn't be helped. You didn't fail, and you're a powerful demigod. You'll be just as good as Hercules, actually even better, Hercules is a jerk.

The rest of you- I'm sorry I didn't get to know you guys better. You're all heroes. And Frank, take care of my sister, or I'll haunt you into oblivion.

-Nico

Nico folded the note in half and placed it in the middle of his bed. It hadn't taken that long to write, Nico had never been dyslexic like the others. Out the door, he heard Percy's footsteps down to the hillside to be with the others. He was finally alone. 

He walked out of his room and onto the deck of the ship, where he'd spent most of his voyage. He looked out at the water and took off his skull ring. He felt stupid, but who cares? He was about to die. "Dad," he said, looking at his ring, "I'm sorry, but I can't do this anymore. I feel like there's a war going on inside me, and I lost the final battle. I guess you could understand that." Nico took a deep breath. "I'm going to be reborn, hopefully with Bianca. Give Aphrodite hell from me, would you?" Nico threw the ring into the water, and the water splashed green where the ring hit. Hades had gotten it. It's time to go, Nico thought and drew his sword. 

"Nico!" He heard someone calling his name, and he turned. It was Percy, breathing heavy from running. His sea green eyes bore into Nico's, but instead of making his stomach turn or heart pound it just made him angry. 

"Go away, Jackson. You may have a saving-people-thing, but I don't want to be saved." A huge wave from the sea spaced from over the side, knocking Nico down, but he kept a firm hand on his sword. The water cleared, and Nico brought the blade to his neck, and swiped. He could feel the pain of the blade and odd feeling of his own blood being spilt, the world going hazy and tinged with black and red. Percy screamed and ran to Nico's side. Nico used the last of his energy to smile, and said weakly "You're a savior Percy, you know that?" Emotion swelled in stomach, relief, peace, triumph, sadness, and even for some reason fear. I'm free, Nico thought as he closed his eyes for the last time.


	4. Safety

"Beautiful day," Percy said weakly, still holding onto Nico's limp head. "Too beautiful." He forced himself to open his eyes and look at him, Nico di Angelo, son of Hades, lying on the deck in a pool of his own blood. He didn't deserve to go out that way, he was a hero. What in Hades could've made him decide to do something like that?

Percy heard the running footsteps of the others, Hazel and Piper and Leo and Annabeth and Jason and Frank. The others, who thought that Nico was still alive and well, and Percy had taken off running for no reason. Percy's body was shielding the sight from them, so they still didn't know. Annabeth called after him, her voice full of worry, "Percy- what's going on? What's hap-" Her voice cut off and her eyes snapped to Nico's body. Percy knew behind him Annabeth was staring blankly, trying to hide her grief and horror for his sake and Hazel's, who saw her brother a moment later and screamed. 

"Nico! Nico! Nico! Frank let me go- Nico!" Every time she said his name a sword pierced Percy's chest. 

He heard Jason muttering to himself "No. No. No. No." Percy didn't know about the rest, either they were silent or he couldn't hear what was going on. He couldn't tear his eyes away from Nico or unhear his last words. "You're a savior Percy, you know that?" Not a very good one, not if he let this happen to his friend. His best friend.

"What happened?" Percy's voice came out how felt, broken and sarcastic and full of grief. "I couldn't save him, that's what happened. He's dead, he died, it was my fault, I killed him…" He let his voice trail off, Hazel was still screaming her brother's name behind him. Annabeth crouched beside him and took Nico's hand in both of hers, the other snaking between his own fingers. Percy knew he looked stupid holding Nico's head like that, but he didn't want to see any more blood come from his body, staining the deck red.

Annabeth was silent for a moment, Hazel still screaming. "Nico! Nico! Nico! Let me go! Nico!" Jason had stopped muttering, and decided to stare blankly at Nico instead. 

"You didn't kill him, Percy," Annabeth said gently, her expression so stone faced she looked like her mother's statue.

"Yes I did, Annabeth. I didn't get to him in time. He died and I could've saved him. You weren't there, you don't know. He's dead and it's my fault." Percy let another tear fall from his eyes, hopefully it would blend in with the sea water dripping on him. 

Annabeth stared at Nico's face for a minute, then said plainly "You didn't kill him because he isn't dead."

Silence. Even Hazel stopped screaming. "What?" Percy asked, completely confused. "How could he not be dead? He's not even breathing."

Annabeth held up Nico's hand, one of her thumbs on his wrist. "I don't know, but he has a pulse." Then suddenly, Annabeth and Percy realized at the same time that they shouldn't be discussing Nico, they should be saving him. He wasn't even breathing. Annabeth put her lips to Nico's, Percy still holding his head, and Annabeth gave him mouth-to-mouth, then after a moment said like a drill sergeant "Jason- get ambrosia and nectar. Frank- grab the coach, see if he can do some nature magic. Leo- get Reyna, I could do with some some Roman voodoo right now. Piper- charmspeak to Nico, get him to hold on. Percy- keep his head like that, try and stop the bleeding." While she spoke, Annabeth had been pumping Nico's chest up and down, and as soon as she finished she swooped back down to Nico and gave him more mouth-to-mouth. The others ran to where they were supposed to be, Hazel had run to Nico's side and started screaming his name again. Piper's words washed over them, but Percy had no trouble tuning them out.

Come on, come on Percy thought, keeping one hand behind Nico's head and the other glued to his wrist. Every time he felt Nico's pulse, his heart pounded. Every time it got to weak to feel, his heart stopped. Jason returned first, carrying the ambrosia and nectar in his hand. Annabeth stopped her CPR long enough to grab it, and uncapped the nectar, then poured half of it on Nico's wound. Then, she force-fed him a square of ambrosia. Jason went to where Hazel was kneeling, and put his hand on her shoulder, Annabeth went back to the mouth-to-mouth. Percy dropped Nico's hand long enough to grab the godly food and put it next to him, in case Nico needed more. His body already felt feverish, which was the only thing keeping Percy from shoving the entire thing of ambrosia down Nico's throat. 

Frank came back after, breathing heavily. "Coach… wasn't… there. Can't… find… him…" Frank clutched his side like he was gonna pass out. 

"Keep looking!" Percy said sharply, and Frank ran away again.

Annabeth stopped doing CPR, and looked at Percy with tears in her eyes. "I… I can't… he's not..." she couldn't get the words out.

"Try harder." Percy said, his voice cracked and broke. He couldn't lose Nico, not while there was still hope.

Desperately, Percy started praying. Normally he would talk to his father, but he didn't know what Posiden could do. He didn't know who the god of dying was, but he did know who the god of death was. Hades, Percy thought desperately. Or Pluto, whoever. This is your son. Save him!

He wanted this, a voice answered in Percy's mind. It might've been Hades, or some other god, or just another part of his own mind.

He didn't want to die. He thought it was the only way. Percy argued with the voice in his head. And it's not. Anything is better than this.

No god can save him. Nico was smart, he knew what he was doing. The gods are torn between their Roman and Greek forms, incapacitated. Even if the lord of the dead could help, he cannot now.

The gods were united before, Percy fought back. Mars and Ares helped Frank. Pluto and Hades helped Hazel. This is your son, Hades! This has to unite you! Save him!

You don't know why Nico killed himself. What if his secret is worth his death?

No. Percy was sure that this was to high a price for anything. I don't care if he comes back and tells me he's been a spy for Gaia since I woke up at the Wolf House. Anything is better than this.

Suddenly, the entire world froze. The sea went black, then red. The entire ocean, just like in his dream. It must've been a trick of the light, but for a moment Percy could see a greenish tinge in a small part of the water. Then it vanished. The world went back to normal, but Nico coughed. His eyes were still closed, but he was trying to breathe, crouched over from the effort, gasping and coughing up blood. Hazel started crying even harder, gasping Nico's name through hiccups. Then Nico fell again, the weight of his body shaking the entire ship, but when he was still again Percy could see his chest rising and falling. Percy let go of Nico's head, the wound was nowhere near gone, but it was healed enough to keep from bleeding. 

Leo arrived at that moment with Reyna, and he looked at Nico and gave a huge grin. Even though she barely knew Nico, Reyna's face looked happy for a moment. Hazel threw her arms around her brother and cried into his chest. Piper had stopped charmspeaking and embraced Jason in a tackle-hug. Percy smiled harder than he ever had, grabbed Annabeth, and kissed her out of pure joy. Thank you Hades, he thought.


	5. The Morning After

Nico didn't know where he was. It didn't look like any part of the underworld he knew, but then again he'd never died and came to his dad's realm through the river Styx before. He felt groggy and weak, like he'd been hit by a bus. He saw a figure out of the corner of his eye, and tried to bring it into focus. "Charon?" Nico croaked, his voice barely louder than a whisper.

The figure turned and looked at him. "You are a complete dick, di Angelo." It took a moment for Nico to place the voice, then he realized it was Percy's.

 

Nico gritted his teeth. "Please tell me you died too, Jackson." He did his best to sound angry, but he was so weak he could barely talk. Hadn't he told Percy not to save him? Heck, hadn't he died before Percy was even there? How was this even possible!

"Sorry death boy, you're not in daddy's realm yet." Percy sounded angry, even more angry than when he'd chewed Nico out for pretending not to know him back at Camp Jupiter.

"How? I was dead!"

"It wasn't easy. Annabeth saved your ass, and when that almost didn't work your father helped a bit."

"Hades? How is that even possible! He can barely run the underworld right now!"

"Yea, well, guess he cares about you more than the underworld. Zeus knows why, you're a jerk."

"Why couldn't you just let me be, Percy! I wanted to die!"

Percy slammed his hand on a small nightstand by Nico's bed. His eyes were dark and he looked like he was ready to kill someone. "Well, maybe I didn't want you to!"

Nico was fully awake now, the adrenaline from his anger made him more alert. The room finally came into focus, it was his normal room, neat but looking the same as always. Percy was sitting in a chair he pulled from the desk, and was sitting a few feet from Nico. Nico was lying in his bed, wearing one of his black t-shirts and a pair of jeans. His hair felt messy, and he wasn't wearing his skull ring anymore. His eyes fell on his Stigyan Iron sword, which was lying on top of his dresser, out of his reach. Percy followed his gaze, and answered Nico's unasked question. "After you were all right I dove down and got it." He was still angry at Nico, but his voice was more controlled.

Nico sat up, and got woozy from the effort. He looked around the bed, remembering his note he wrote before everything had happened. He'd put it on his bed. Percy looked at him, then realized what he was doing and said "I found it right before I found you. I tore it up and threw it into the ocean, no one saw it but me."

"What did you tell the others?" Nico settled back down and looked at his lap. He wasn't ready to look at Percy, or anyone really. 

"That you were fighting a monster, and your sword got knocked overboard, which is how I knew to find you. I found you right before it attacked you, and killed it with Riptide to try and save you but it was too late."

"And how did you really know about me?"

"A dream." 

Figures, Nico thought. There was a pause, despite the giant purple elephant in the room neither wanted to touch on the subject. Finally, after an eternity of awkward silence Percy spoke again. "How could you do that, Nico? What in Tartarus was going through your mind?" At the world 'tartarus' Nico flinched, his memories from the pit coming back to him. "Sorry," Percy said plainly, but he didn't seem sorry. Nico didn't feel like talking about that, so he laid back down and rolled over, turning his back to Percy. Percy didn't seem to care. "Fine, don't talk about it, but tell me this: are you going to do it again?"

Nico sat up, his eyebrows furrowed in confusion. "Do what again?" 

Percy looked down at his lap, then back at Nico. "You know… kill yourself. Or try to." The words sounded like they were hard for Percy to say. "Honestly. You owe me that, Nico."

Nico closed his eyes. He felt like going back to a deep, deep sleep, hopefully waking up back in the Lotus Hotel and Casino with Bianca and this all being a horrible dream, but his adrenaline wouldn't let him go to bed. "Honestly? I don't know. Maybe. Probably. I think. I don't know." Well, it was an awful answer, but Percy wanted the truth. And that was confusion, the defining trait for Nico right now.

Percy took a deep breath, like he was trying to keep himself from yelling again. "Then I want you to swear on the river Styx you won't ever do something like this again."

At the request, Nico got angry again. "Why? What do you care? You don't understand, no one does!" Percy's eyes flashed again, but Nico didn't care. This wasn't some older demigod who held all the answers anymore. He was trying to take over Nico's life, the parts that Nico still had control over. What did it matter to him if Nico lived or died? Nico instantly regretted what he'd wrote to Percy on his note. The jerk didn't deserve it.

When Percy spoke again there was an edge to his words. "I care because you're my friend, Nico. I don't want you dead. I don't want to live with the thought of you doing that to yourself because you thought no one knew what you were going through. I don't want to see Hazel like she was when you almost died. I don't want to have your blood on my head. Again." Percy stole Nico's gaze and locked eyes with him, daring Nico to drop the gaze. "I've known you for years, Nico. We've been through hell together. You were with me at the Styx, during the Battle of Manhattan, while I had amnesia, here on this quest, on Olymus after our victory with the Titans, in the Labyrinth with me… I never knew what to make of you to be honest, but I've considered you my friend for while now. I'm not gonna judge you. You're not alone."

Nico looked down again and played absent-mindedly with the blankets on the bed. He thought about the last time he told someone about his secret, Jason in Croatia. That had been a huge mistake, it hadn't even been his choice! And Percy was so much more involved… Nico looked back at him and said simply "I was willing to die over this. Of course you'll judge me." He put a bit of anger in his words, too.

Percy leaned back in his chair and closed his eyes, like he was trying to remember something. Then he said "I was with Bianca when she died. I'm assuming that's why you did it, or part of the reason, so you could be reborn with her? I tried to get her to stop, but she wouldn't let anyone sacrifice themselves but her. She told me to look after you, those were her last words, I think. If this'll stop you from dying, I won't judge. You're like that annoying little brother I never had." Percy half-smiled at that and Nico rolled his eyes.

"Annoying cousin, actually."

"What?"

"Cousin. Your dad and my dad are brothers, remember? We're actually first cousins." Percy nodded his head slowly.

"Right, I forgot."

Nico looked down again, and knit his hands together. "I remember, when you saved me and Bianca at that military school, I was in awe of you. I was young and stupid and innocent and you were so much older than me… Things, well, things happened, but I was so caught up in that weird world that I didn't notice. When you and Bianca left to find Annabeth, you left me alone with those things and I would spend hours just thinking about them, and you, and my sister, and everything. I idolized you, Percy, I really did. And when you didn't live up to my image of you in my head, I freaked out and ran away. And I, I started wondering why I thought of you like that, and what really had happened to me and I started realizing… things. I couldn't deal with it, but I couldn't run from it either, and I wanted to so badly. So, I just started suppressing it and pretending I didn't know, but then you came back and it all came back and I had to do everything again…" Nico took a shuttered breath, he didn't want to go on. 

Percy looked like he was starting to get it, but he wanted to wait for Nico to say it himself. When he didn't go on, Percy nodded in understanding. "Okay, so what made you do this?"

Nico took another deep breath, and resumed his story. "Croatia. I'd spent so long suppressing it that I almost felt like it was going away. Even when you got lost and when I was in Tartarus, I wouldn't let myself think about it. But when Jason and I went to get the scepter, it turned out Cupid was guarding it. He overwhelmed Jason and me, and forced me to tell them. Jason kept pressuring me to talk about it, and Cupid had forced me to think about it, and I felt like I was at war with myself on top of Gaia's war and being worried about you and Annabeth… it all just got to be too much. So I swore to myself that I would close the Doors of Death with everyone, then I'd be reborn to a life where I wasn't this." Nico looked down, his heart pounding. It was funny how he could go to Tartarus and back, and yet one sentence was scarier than that entire pit. "I'm gay, Percy, and I realized that because I had a crush on you." There.

Percy gave Nico an are-you-kidding-me look. "You got beat up by Cupid?" Nico knew Percy knew that he shouldn't be making jokes about what Nico had said. Nico also knew that he shouldn't find them funny. But after everything that had happened, the two of them burst out laughing and couldn't stop. A wall broke down between them and erased all the secrets and anger, like a gust of wind. It felt like a huge weight had lifted off of Nico's shoulders, that he could think clearly in the relief that someone wasn't going to judge him. While they were still laughing, Percy continued, "I mean, I get it dude. Having horrible taste in guys and getting beat up by Cupid? That's enough to make anyone go over the deep end." Nico's laughter was more controlled now, but he still smiled at Percy's words.

"You don't care? About me? Or how I thought about you?"

Percy gave Nico a sarcastically serious look. "Well, let me see. You're a son of a legend that should've died out two thousand years ago, you make regular trips to the place where people go when they die, can raise the dead, and basically time traveled from the 40's to here. I am a son of another legend that also should've died two thousand years ago, I can control water and create storms, I have a pen that doubles as a sword that doubles as an actual pen, and got iron skin from the river Styx, which I gave up about a month ago. We go to a camp that clouds can't pass over, where the climbing wall shoots lava at people, where there are flying horses in the stables and more legends in the lakes. I've been to a mythical island where an eons-old girl looks 15. You've brought back your dead sister. Oh my gods. My friend likes guys romantically. That is the weirdest thing I've ever heard." He drummed up the sarcasm on his last two sentences to prove his point even more. Nico had to admit, from that standpoint it really didn't seem that weird.

Percy looked at Nico sympathetically, which Nico found annoying, but also not so much that he actually cared about it. Percy then said "Look, I know that it's a big deal for you, and I also know that me talking isn't going to change years of you hating that part of yourself. But, I'm here if you need me, and I really don't care. You still did all those impressive things and nothing's changing that."

Nico was stunned. "Really?"

Percy nodded. "Really. Besides, being gay's actually kinda cool."

Nico crossed his arms and looked at Percy, again confused. This didn't seem all that cool to Nico, the actual gay one. "Why would you think that?"

Percy just smiled. "Well, you're immune to emposai attacks, and as a survivor of a few that's always a plus. Also, because unless Leo surprises us all there aren't any other gay guys on the ship, that means we can't gossip about you anymore, which is also a plus. Besides, Annnabeth was convinced you had a crush on her, and if you decide to tell her about this I'm gonna rub it in her face until it breaks us up." 

"Wait, she did? Where did she get that from? Gods…"

The two of them started laughing again, but Nico ended it this time. He knew he was far from being okay with all of this, but maybe with Percy's help (and maybe with Jason's help too) he might not die over it. Percy was right about one thing, Nico didn't think Bianca would've wanted him dead. He looked directly into Percy's sea green eyes, which had always provoked some kind of reaction but this time were just eyes, and said "Perseus Jackson, I swear on the river Styx that I will never make another attempt on my life."

Percy smiled. "Good." Then Percy got up and leaned his head out the door "Hey guys! Nico's awake!" Percy looked at him and Nico could almost read his mind. Dude, it's about to get really crowded in here, I don't want to leave you but can I leave? Nico nodded with a: It's fine. We can talk later. Percy gave Nico a thumbs up and left the room just as everyone else got inside. Hazel took Percy's old seat and hugged Nico really hard. "You've been out for almost a day, I was really worried, don't ever get yourself hurt like that ever again or I'll…. I'lll…"

"Kill you?" Nico looked at Hazel and they all laughed. Another day, Nico thought. To think I almost missed this.


End file.
